I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
