I cockslap morals
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
