last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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