i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
