Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
