He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
