fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
