You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
FUCK WHALES
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