My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
