I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
