when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
