Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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