Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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