i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
