How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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