Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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