Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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