I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
