We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
