Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Drunk is not a location!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
