Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
