i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
only you would photoshop your dick
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
