u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
