Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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