I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
