i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
