I wanna bring you to show and tell
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
