I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
