Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
