eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
