It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
