She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
