i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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