Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
