P.S. I can't hear my feet
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
