I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
