No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
