The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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