i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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