Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
