I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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