You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
