Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
