We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
