We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
