Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
