I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
