well you can't waste a boner
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
