I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
