was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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