I wish you could order shots online.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
